It all began when I was told I would not be able to have kids… but as a praying woman I didn’t believe a human being would have the last say in the matter, then February 2014, the most devastating time of my life, I had a miscarriage, I was beyond frustrated was this confirmation that I really couldn’t have kids I asked myself. I would cry all night, I didn’t see my amazing relationship working cause in my mind I didn’t see any guy being with a woman who wouldn’t be able to give him kids so I ended my 4year relationship.
My partner was loving and very supportive he insisted he wasn’t going anywhere that it didn’t matter he loves me regardless and we would try other methods to solve our problem, he went on to say there are many orphans who would be grateful to have wonderful parents like us. “Maybe this is God’s plan for us, to make a difference in the lives of others by adopting, which we will do when we have the power to do so” he would say, I was relieved for God had blessed me with an amazing partner.
As days went by it hit me again… I won’t have kids? The crying continued, every night, and sadly I still didn’t see my relationship working. I advised him we should continue trying, I bought pregnancy tests till it was no longer embarrassing paying for them it was just a norm and always the results came back negative. Our relationship changed I was always so negative waiting for him to tell me he made another woman pregnant, it didn’t happen.
Everyone around us started questioning; you guys have been together for so long how come you don’t have a baby? Are you able to make babies? Others even offered to baby sit “the two of you should really have a baby now it’s long overdue don’t worry we will even baby sit if that’s your concern” they would carry on. It got to me, I felt devastated.
See I had dreams lots of them, I still do, be successful, buy a nice car, house, everything nice money can buy, but honestly all that was forgotten because all I wanted was Gods greatest gift first, I wanted life, my own blood, my creation, someone to turn my life around and make it worth living. I wanted a baby… that’s all.